Friday, April 16, 2010
Love Others Like You Love Yourself
There has been a rapid drift in values, loyalty and morals through out the last few years especially in families and marriages. Marriages no longer hold the commitment that used to keep them together. Now a days they are treated as another simple relationship that can be broken if either individual is not satisfied or if they are not having their needs and desires met. We live in such an individualistic culture that we have come to care more and more about ourselves than of others. We love ourselves rather than loving others and put our needed and desires first above anyone else. This way of thinking and living is what has caused such a brokenness in marriages and commitment. We have our priorities mixed up we think that if the other person is not making us happy then they are not “the one” for us but, in reality if we continue living and thinking like that we are never going to find anyone! This is proven in the Kate Chopin’s story “The Storm” both individuals get wrapped up in the moment and lose sight of reality giving in to self gratification and selfishness. They become so consumed in what their physical momentary needs desire that they do not stop to think about the consequences and do not think about their significant other that they will hurt as a result of their actions. Numerous of the qualities and values needed to keep up a good and successful marriage have also been lost as a result of our selfishness and individualism. We need to be there for our partner and loving one another and taking care of each others needs. Rather than sitting thinking and complaining about was is done for you to make you happy, one should think about what can be done to make their other half happy. It sounds like Calixta was deprived from her husband although unclear and unrevealed in the story we can assume what they may have been. So she went along with the temptations that came her way and found what she wanted else where rather than finding it in her husband and vise versa of Alcee. However this does not justify or make their actions right in any way. Their needs to be communication in the marriage which seems to have been lacking. If they would of each communicated to their partner the sense of neglect they were feeling they would of probably found a solution. However we also do no know what Calixta’s husband may of needed from her and same goes from Alcee and his wife. Modern marriages can be successful and last the way they are meant to be if people take the time that they require. They needed to have time, dedication, communication and love. We need to not expect or set unrealistic expectations from the ones we love and just love unconditionally. With unconditional and selfless love we can achieve happiness and also realize that short is the joy that comes from guilty and selfish pleasure.
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I agree with you that marriage does not seem to be, for a lot of people, the commitment that it used to be. People take it way too lightly and walk away way too easily without really trying to make it work. You are right that people seem to be more focused on having their own needs met and aren’t willing to compromise with their spouses, which leads to divorce. I think people forget that marriage is about teamwork, and that when you get married you stop being an “I” and become “We” ( to an extent, I don’t mean that you should lose yourself in anyway, you just have to remember that its not JUST about you anymore). It’s really sad that people have become so selfish that so many marriages are failing. If it weren’t for watching my parents, who have been married for 30 years, I almost wouldn’t think that marriage was possible, but they have shown me that it can be done with a lot of hard work. Too bad people just aren’t willing to put in a true effort before throwing in the towel.
ReplyDeleteMarriage seems to be a trap even when it comes to most religions it is looked down upon if you want out of marriage because you are not happy. This is probably why I do not want to get married and I will probably never get married because it takes a lot of emotionally hard work to have a successful loving marriage. I believe in a marriage neither party should feel they are doing all the work to keep a marriage together and each person should do their best to make sure the others needs and desires are met. I truly believe that happiness in a marriage is up to the two people in that marriage and it is necessary for the two of them to do whatever it takes to make their marriage work. Sometimes it isn’t about what makes one happy anymore sometimes the love is just lost and it is time to move on and it should be okay to do so. I definitely feel that a person should love and know themselves and put themselves first before they even thinking about loving another person because this is the only way you can truly know what you want out of a lifetime partner and how you want your partner to love you. I do understand and respect your point of view, I just think if a marriage becomes such a burden and a stress then at some point you have to throw in the towel.
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